Friday, December 23, 2011

Miss Takes

 Written January 2011


     I was thinking about mistakes. The miss takes in life. We apologize for them, feel guilty for them, but all is not lost. With God they have the potential to make us stronger. To teach us lessons. There is good that can come from them. Isn’t that what God promises to do? To bring good to those who love Him and are called by Him? I understand that a little more clearly. I have made many mistakes in my time. I feel humiliated at the thought of some that I have made with my children, especially those that caused pain. I cannot take them back and that fact causes me grief.

     It is awesome how God gives us dignity through our mistakes. A God that can use something like a mistake to make us stronger, stand a little taller, but leaves enough of the scar for us to remain humble and to remember. We have a part to play, a responsibility to learn and grow from our mistakes, otherwise it will all be in vain. No one will benefit. The first step is to acknowledge our mistakes and make them right between whomever they were against. The Bible says we are to leave our gifts on the alter, go to the one who has wronged us or we have wronged, and then come back. All will be right before God and man. So whether the mistake was made by you, or against you, God promises to bring good to those who love Him.

     
     It is my belief that mistakes or miss takes are not only necessary, but they should also be valued and embraced. They should be viewed as instruments by which God uses to teach us. God knows that in our humanness we are going to make mistakes. After all, we can only be who He created us to be-human.

     Without mistakes we would never know such things as humility or forgiveness, not to mention His wisdom, love, or understanding. For it is from this fruit we learn the lessons of growing together and finding true intimacy with Him and one another. 

Friday, December 16, 2011

Pain and shame, who am I without you?

Written November 21, 2010


     I wear them like a cloak.  I carry these burdens wherever I go.  They are so heavy, and I try to hide them from any on looker.  Why?  Why do I feel the need to do this?  Did it occur to me that there is a better way?  Not necessary the opposite, but a better way.  I have let pain and shame become my identity.  I know no other way to be.  As sad as it sounds, it is frightening to be anyone different.  What is it going to take to change the baggage that weighs me down, holds me back, destroying who I should be?  What will be required of me?  Will it bring catastrophic changes, changes that I cannot bear?


Who would I be without you?  Would I be free to live how I felt was right?  Would I achieve my goals, my dreams?  Would I find happiness in myself?  Will it be worth the journey?  I don’t know how to feel without you guiding my every decision, belief, and truth.  I will have to search and sort things out to find a better way.  That scares me.  What if I make a mistake that not only hurts me but those depending on me?  What then? 


Who can I put in your place?  I have no other experiences to go by.  Is it just a matter of changing the way I think and behave?  Or is it deeper than that?  


The first decision that I will make without you being my guide will be to live today, just today, being conscious of your presence, knowing how to identify you.  With practice, I will recognize you, feel you, and hear your voices.  I will totally be aware of you.  Then, I will make my next decision, whatever that will be, and however long it takes, I will find a better way.